Mummy had a dream last night and realised I have to let you go. Mummy was clinging on, not letting you go and could not accept that you are not going to read this. Again just like we had to let go your body, Mummy now has to let go your spirit. Mummy can not depart from you, even though this blog is Mummy's and created it for you, Mummy feels as if it is something I can't let go easily. Mummy will never forget you my baby, you came for a very short time and left us tragically. Mummy's got a hole inside that nobody can ever fix or nothing can mend even tiny bit of it. Mummy will wish every baby to be happy with their Mummy not departing like us. Mummy is so so sorry that Mummy was not able to keep you safe and healthy. I know it was nobody's fault, but Mummy feels I could have done this or that or keep thinking what if...
I think Mummy has to accept now, we will need to get a headstone for your grave and perhaps that represents that we accept that you died. The word 'died' - Mummy could not use it until now, I was using words like 'passed away' or 'not with us any more'. Mummy will write about you, but Mummy is going to address it to others. This blog was for you and Mummy will finish writing here hoping that it would help you to go to heaven without having to worry about Mummy clinging on. You go my baby, go to heaven because you never did or think anything bad to deserve to go elsewhere. Mummy will pray for you and will keep doing things for charities and write in memory of you. I love you forever, goodbye Billy Buuz. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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