Your bib...

Mummy used one of her bags that not used for a while. Then in the small pocket, I found your tiny bib. The bib says 'Mummy loves me' and with a little giraffe on it. That hit Mummy very hard emotionally. We must have taken that bag with us when we went somewhere with you, propbably to a hospital or a GP. We only went out once with you for lunch during the time you were home. Most of the time it was this GP, that specialist, this hospital or the other big hospital. It was nice to take you out and about before you were admitted to hospital to get a feeding tube. After the feeding tube was put, things went more and more difficult. You needed oxygen, tiny little bit of oxygen that you couldn't come home, you had to stay in hospital. While you were in hospital you got a cough which turned into a chest infection. Mummy and Daddy couldn't bring you home when you were ready to go home because your big sister was in a different hospital getting a skin graft done. We had to ask the hospital to keep you one more night and then we took you home the next day on our way back from the other hospital where your sister was. We picked up your brother who was with Mummy's best, the best friend Jackie. She has been a rock all along, we called her in the middle of the night, we dropped your brother or your sister or both of them off at theirs any time didn't matter what time of the day. She was always there for us. Of course, we couldn't have done it without Jackie's husband's support either. They were there every time. We can't thank them enough. Doesn't matter how many times say the words 'Thank you', it's not enough to express how we feel. Your brother seems to think a lot of things. Mummy emptied your Granny's and found some of your Daddy's toys when he was little. A few cars in a little bag. So Mummy gave it to your brother and he took them out and then put them back. After that he said: Mummy, do you think you might have a different baby when I'm 10 or something?' Mummy said 'Pardon?', trying to clarify exactly what he is meaning. He said 'You know, from your tummy, will you have a different baby when I'm 10 or something'. Mummy said 'Not sure, we'll see'. Mummy and Daddy is scared now to even talk about a baby, may be some time later, after a few years, even just to talk about babies in general. Mummy is probably offending some of her friends who had babies, not going and seeing the babies or sending presents. Mummy found it difficult to even look at baby things, Mummy looks away quickly in shops if baby things are there as if they are there to remind you. Ok, Mummy'll go and get ready. Today is your sister's last day at Primary school, will go to the church and see her with your brother. It was his last day at nursery yesterday, he can't wait to go to school. Mummy's glad he had a very good teacher in nursery who helped a lot, making sure he was ready to go to school, giving him a positive experience and taste of what nursery is. Will go and light a candle at your grave as usual. Love you loads, Billy Buuz. XXXXX