Thursday 22 April 2010

Missing you badly

It's been a week since the last blog message. Mummy will write weekly here. We all miss you a lot and mummy can't leave your name out when signing any cards for people's birthdays and so on. Hope people don't mind. I remember when you were in hospital in the Intensive Care,your sister was braver than me she used to take your babysuit to bed with her. Mummy couldn't, it was just too hard. Mummy couldn't do it because I wanted to hug you, hold you, cuddle you, kiss you and you were still here, I wanted you not your clothes. But now, that's all I have. I look for your smell in your clothes, unfortunately there is not so many of them, because you didn't wear much clothes for the last month. Instead you were attached to machines and needles, keeping you alive and asleep. Mummy couldn't see you crying because it was hard for mummy not being able to hold you close to me and kiss you and comfort you and the bed was too high for mummy to get good kisses on your cheeks. Mummy did everything that I could do, sang Mongolian lullabies, stroking your hand whichever had a little space to hold and not connected to a needle. Mummy gave you good manucures, too :-). The nurses in the hospitals were very jealous of your perfect nails. Mummy and Daddy got four blocks of your hair from your head, you were born with a head full of strawberry blonde hair. Your Daddy could not get over the colour of your hair. It was funny in a nice way, because you were the only one with red hair amongst the five of us. We soon enough found out that your great uncle Billy had the same hair when he was younger. So you have not only the same name but also the same coloured hair, too. Mummy's going to do everything possible to help people now, so I will be taking part in a few projects and fundraising events for charities including Yorkhill hospital, Down's syndrome association and Down's Heart group. Nothing will bring you back, that is the hardest thing to accept, nothing is enough to see my baby just one more time. Mummy needs to go now and pick up your big brother from nursery. He is a good big boy and you are a good baby boy. X

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