Thursday 15 April 2010

49th day

I can't believe it's already 7 weeks since you passed away. It's been sunny lately and mummy thought about you a lot. Mummy dreamt of taking you out for a walk in your nice red pram, taking you to the beach and let you try ice cream. 14th April, Wednesday- we got up as normal and your daddy went to work. I could tell he was down and very vulnerable emotionally. He went to work because, what else can we do?! Your brother and sister are on holiday this week. It's the Easter holiday break. They took easter egg and a bunny for you, to your grave. Yesterday on 49th day, we took beautiful flowers and candles for you. The solar lamp is great, it comes on when it's dark and the light looks like candle light, nice and warm colour like flame. We put so many things for you and decided to keep some of the things in your keepsake box. You have 2 nice lanterns, the solar lamp, ceramic teddy,another teddy that James painted for you and it's holding a heart with a writing on it. The writing says: 'We love you, Billy. XXXXX.' He held that Teddy himself on the train and in the car till he put it on your grave. Also your brother and sister put some shells, pebbles and your sister made a ger for you too. You wouldn't know what ger is. It's a Mongolian house, made of felt and wood. Mummy grew up in one of those. They are very cosy and comfortable. After taking flowers for you mummy gave some money to the ice cream kiosk at the beach, so that they can give away ice cream for children. We stayed there for a short time and already people were very happy with their 'free' ice cream, they turned to us and waved saying 'Thank you'. The girl at the kiosk was telling people it was to remember you. Also there was a mini bus full of people. When the people started come off the bus, I noticed some of them had Down's Syndrome. Mummy needs to be careful now. She finds herself staring at them, trying to picture how you would have looked and to say 'Hello' to them sometimes. I guess people don't know why I'm staring at them and might find it weird and tell me to mind my own business. Mummy has a lot to write here, I'll continue later. We are going to your grave now and light some candles.

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