Monday 2 May 2011

Summer is here...

Hallo Billy Buuz, Mummy hasn't written here for a while. We are still going to the cemetery and lighting a candle for you every day. We miss and talk about you every day, too. Last week Mummy was in tears when we saw a week old baby girl with her parents and her brother at the school while picking up your brother. That little girl's brother is the same age as your brother and she had a sister who died and was buried in the same row as you. So Mummy was happy for that family to have a new baby, at the same time thought it would have been nice to have the other girl with them too. Very similar to our situation I guess. So mummy was hiding her face at the playground trying not to make any eye contacts as Mummy's tears raced down. If anyone looked and was about to ask if I was Ok, Mummy was replying: 'Sorry, I'm being silly. It's happy tears.'

Lately the weather has been fantastic and we are spending a lot of time outside in the garden. Mummy and Daddy bought a chiminea which you can kindle a fire in it. So last night, all four of us had our dinner and then your brother and sister warmed some marshmallows on sticks and enjoyed it.

Mummy's getting used to be asked now: Is it your first? - looking at Mummy's big bump. I'd say 'No, it's my fourth.' Then people start to ask how old you are and things. It depends on the person or the moment how Mummy answers them. Mummy's proud to talk about you. Mummy's baby boy. Mummy often thinks about your hands and feet. Then Mummy touches your Teddy's hands and feet. Your Teddy is above Mummy and daddy's bed, wearing your top and your name brace from the hospital.

Summer time is here and it's a shame you never had the chance to see what summer is like. Mummy's not going to go on now about you could have done and should have done. There are millions of things we didn't and couldn't do any more. But we will cherish what we had and remember the memories of you being with us.

Love you Billy Buuz, baby boy. XXXXXXXXX

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