A year ago...

A year ago, you were home, in the living room amongst your toys, beside the warm fire. The house was full with your Mongolian grandparents and your arrival. You came home after staying in hospital for a month, in the neonatal unit. Mummy and daddy still have the medicine syringes and you bottles where they were in the kitchen cupboard. We can't throw them away, because they were yours. I know it feels like a dream sometimes, you were here and then you are not here anymore. Mummy visited a friend who had a baby last week and held the baby. The baby was so little, Mummy realised you were that size. Mummy needs to be careful now. Mummy feels like going and asking people with their babies to give me a chance to cuddle them for a minute. I know they are not you but I don't know why, Mummy just wants to feel the feeling again, trying to imagine what you were like. People might worry though, this desperate Mum, they wouldn't know. Why would they know. People don't know if they haven't experienced similar life experience. Mummy is lucky to have you all though, Mummy feels sorry for people who try and can't have babies. At least you were here and Mummy and Daddy had the chance to get to know you little bit. We had the chance to cuddle you, feed you, kiss you, change you, be happy and sad times with you. We had the chance to buy you a toy, a Christmas present, a stocking and clothes. Yes, we miss you dearly but we will look at the times we had with you and treasure the memories forever. Mummy's ginger haired tiny baby boy, wherever you are you are on our hearts and will be forever. Love you loads. Billy Buuz. XXXXXXXX