Tuesday 29 November 2011

2 years on

Hallo Billy. Mummy's golden haired angel. Mummy has been thinking about writing here for a while. Ella is a good smiley girl, but she started weaning now and she is hungry at night and wakes up more than she used to. So that means Mummy is sleepy too. :-) But do you know Mummy is happy with that, she is fine, healthy nothing to worry about apart from general baby stuff. That is happiness. Mummy started givig talks to different groups and some of the topics involve about you. Mummy wonders if she should just let you go, but at the same time you were here for different reasons. If Mummy doesn't do these talks people might not know what Down's Syndrome is, or other mummies and daddies might feel lonely if they lost their babies too. So Mummy will carry on and do whatever people think or however difficult it is for Mummy.

Yesterday, Mummy spoke to a group of 17 year olds. They were teenagers, just like any teens. Mummy talked about Buddhism and how religion looks at suffering. On the way back, Mummy went to the cemetery lit candles and cleaned the gravestone. Then Mummy started crying, it was hard talking about you, but Mummy didn't show anyone any tears. But at the cemetery, this man with his toddler appeared, walking home. You would have been exactly like that girl. Mummy burst into tears, there is me picking up the dead flowers on your grave and this child toddling along...

Life is strange. Mummy appreciate yor brother and sisters, of course. But we will always miss you. Mummy's best baby boy. Billy buuz, silly Billy, tiny Billy, love you so much.

Mummy will be fine, she has to. She'll rise above it and will have a book in memory of her beautiful baby Billy. You keep watching and Mummy will see you when it's time. Every night the brightest star in the sky reminds me of you. My lovely boy. XXX

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