Tuesday, 16 April 2013

Almost there

Hallo Billy. Mamma's bootiful baba. Mummy calls you all all sorts of names. Your baby sister even knows that. She responds to Mummy whichever name Mummy calls her. Sometimes Mummy calls everyone's name to find one of your names. You'd think Mummy is not that old, but Mummy does that. Mummy likes it because it makes your Daddy and big brother and sister laugh. Mummy is so happy recently. Why? You know why! Our book will be out soon enough. The book you inspired Mummy to write. The book came out from Mummy's heart. Mummy is excited but scared at the same time. We are lighting candles every night and think of you every day. Maybe not as intense as before, but you are with us wherever we go. Mummy likes talking about you four. Only now Mummy realises what is important in life. It's a lovely feeling taking your little sister to the beach and take in everything, sea breeze, the sun, clouds - just amazing. Your little sister is repeating everything she hears. So you can imagine she is turning into a small Mummy. It's funny really. She plays a lot with Connect Four circles. She calls them 'money.' We never knew those little circles can turn into all sorts of games. She puts them in a small plastic chewing gum container and then emties it, putting them in her tea set pretending they are food. It's lovely. But Mummy's exhausted sometimes. The best feeling ever can be felt just after putting her to bed and close her door carefully saying 'Good night.' Mummy goes downstairs makes a cup of tea and settles down for a good hour. Then it's time to do other things, like writing or reading or watching TV with your Daddy. It's good. Mummy's telling you all sorts here tonight. But Mummy loves telling you stuff, sharing with you. Mummy's beautiful baby boy. Love you loads and loads. A Big wet kiss on your ginger hair. Night night. XXXXX

Saturday, 6 April 2013


Hallo Billy Buuz, Mummy's been soo busy trying to finish the book and write the epilogue. Mummy's baby boy shining bright in the sky, looking down. Our book, Mummy's book for you is almost finished. We have a publisher and Mummy is just waiting to sign the contract. Mummy is scared but excited that this book will be out telling people a story, a history and a tale. They will remember who you were and how you inspired Mummy to do many things. Mummy had a glimpse of memory of you yesterday. Mummy tried to picture you in her mind, eyes closed and then it flashed very fast in front of Mummy's eyes. You looking up, awake, looked so cute. Mummy misses you so much. Mummy can't tell you how much. Mummy still calls you all each other's names. Mummy called your big brother almost Billy yesterday. Mummy has recieved a phone call last Sunday. A couple had their baby three months early and the baby is an intensive care. Mummy went to interpet for them and visited the neonatal unit. It was somewhere else from where you were, but it brought back lots of memories. Mummy tried to help them, but still so hard. Mummy knew exactly ow they were feeling, very poorly baby attached to lots of wires and tubes. There is nothing the parents can do. It's been the Easter holidays and we are enjoying our time together. Your baby sister is a great one to make everyone smile and repeat anything she hears. Mummy hears herself back when she says phrases like 'Oh dear.' She is so funny. She cuddles to us all and very bossy too. Your big brother and sister laugh and do whatever she wants them to do. It's sweet to see them playing together. But there is a shadow in our hearts, a hole always. Billy Buuz. It's you, baby. We love you, baby. Night night. XXXX